DILEMMA

So I take my pen after nother year or so.
Is it anything serious ,you may be tempted
to ask.Nothing I will say. But the tragedy happened 3 months back on a visit to Kochi
When I chanced to peek into a ' jyothisha Rathna magazine my mom had brought.I had no business to go through that,right ?but could not resist,future is always our weakness !
   The article was about sani peyarchi and with a little bit of arrogance that I have seen enough of this stuff, I read through the next one year for ' chinga rasi.As usual the score card was 3/10 and prediction - dhana hani,maana hani arogyahani, hani through WhatsApp.
Everything hunky dory till now.
   In the train on my way back,I soon felt the effect of transition of sani.Btw I forgot to inform you guys about the untimely demise of Srivalsons dog 1 year back and am not yet out of my bereavement.May he rest in peace my friend in pithruloka or pathala,but I have lost my friend,foe or alter ego.I can only see coconuts in his royal cage now,which is a pity..To come back to the train,I am feeling a slight fogginess,a greyish hue has enveloped the compartment and outside as well like the onset of solar eclipse due after nother 2 months.Is my heart racing a little.A mild sweat has appeared in my face,the tremor in my hand is noticeable,my neck muscles stiffening ?, A slight itchiness of my nose,and a mild throbbing of my temples  completed the state.
    Next morning I wake up tired and confused.A vague sense of fear for anything and every thing.My concentration has taken a severe pounding and I am unable to WORK.I am doubting my own patients and repeating the tests already done.Am I drowning myself in vague unfounded fears and negativity ? Is the world so dark or the people fake ? I am helpless with no straw to hold. I am  Finished.Fear,fear,fear for fear ,no, I cannot face this world again.Am I back to my old friend 'Endogenous Depression ??
         My hypothalamus has gone berseke under the tsunami of thoughts,feelings,bits of information fake or true,tolerant or intolerant flooding from groups ,individuals,tv,social media,the so called breaking NEWS.catecholamines surge through my blood ably aided with dopamine,serotonines,adrenaline,epinefrine catching the pituitary gland off guard.All the hormones have been let loose.My BP is rising like onion prices, blood sugar rocketing up,my fight and flight reflexes have overshooted making my mind reverse somersault and exhausted .It has entered the dark tunnel of eternal greyness.

 Any amount of antidepressants fails to kick start my gyrating moods,my phobias,my negativity.So I live in my greyish haze in the depths of my cavern for 7 days,so my relatives say.But soon at the end of the tunnel in my haze, a blurred form of head of my friend, sreevalson dog peeps.As the fog clears, he is clearly visible in my state of early morning dream.Yes it's not a mirage,he is vibrant as a solid cloud of pure,crystal clear foam of Consciousness,beckoning me to his lap.My friend ,the saviour has arrived and there is no looking back for me .The brightness of sun is blinding me and gradually,steadily but slowly am ready to fight back  and face the reality of world with lively humans,the beauty of creation with all it's abberations,imperfections to the hilt and not again to fall into the trap of the beautiful but virtual fake world of make believe,hatred,,to be a slave to the factory of the so called information bits creating havoc to the young and old minds.
   Stand up my elderly boy,he barks smilingly.Its time to face the 'DAY'. No time for cowardice.Lets stand up to the men,meet them eye to eye,ear to year,mouth to mouth,heart to heart and cry out I am liberated.Or else retire to your cocoon and drown yourself in to the world of virtual reality.
 '