THE RANTINGS CONTINUED

Where did I go wrong? When,where,how?.As I face the mirror,I am unable to spot the face staring back at me.No ,it is not me for sure,but somehow I note the stranger before me is not altogether unfamiliar to me.if you can better delete the meanness in his eyes or edit the scowl or the crooked smile leave alone the selfishious stench emanating from the whole figure ,not withstanding the totally lovelessness whispering from his heart or the egoistic ballooning of his head,may be I don’t see any reason why he cannot be me. But how come all this transformation in such a short time ,or is it that I have never had a look at him for decades?,.That is a reasonable possibility,considering the fact that I had no mirrors for a long time or is it that I knew it all along,but could not come to accept it,was I escaping from my trueself?. No, that thread of reasoning is impossible since I can dissect myself severely like I do to others.May be I couldn’t crack the bony hard shell I have weaved over myself to protect from external injuries,the vield attacks of deceit,contempt or the so called isolation inflicted by the society.I am not sure,not at all.
I am pretty sure I was a good ,nice kid till my youth,I could ‘ love’,nobody can deny that,I am capable of loving,crying,yes, I remember I could laugh aloud from the bottom of my heart for sure and never felt any malice and whole heartedly believed in everybody and the faith in relatives friends and society was unflinching.,infact you won’t believe it--- I was romantic too !.
There is not much time left to undo .but one thing I know,the only short cut to rediscover myself is to relearn the art of ‘ love’ and ‘ faith’ the two presumptions under which we all live or die .I am ready for the kill,but Show me the man who can teach me these two!