THE MAN AT WORK

As you enter the spirit smelling neatly polished consulting room after a severe agonising wait, can you spot the middle aged man in a trance,that glistening baldness and the stray white hairs donning the white serene face with the golden plated spectacles revealing a pair of penetrating eyes and a steth hanging as if a siva’s snake around his short fatty neck,the white coat obscuring his bludgeoning tummy,the heavy smiling, dissolving your anxieties? .yes,you are spot on,he is your ‘Doctor Glorious’- combat ready to attack his perpetual enemy- death and disease ,, the decay and degeneration,the inflammations and infections ,your agonies,the misery,the anxieties and apprehensions. The stage is set and the show is on..you have already paid the consultation fee,no?
As you pour out your symptoms as if the flood gates have opened , see his intense gaze on you ,eye to eye , lapping up your history,the blood supply to his ballooning brain has tripled ensuring the onset of a mild headache,his mind preoccupied by his wife’s admonitions that morning about the unkept promise of a diamond ring ,the appointment with the tax officials scheduled the next day , the falling markets and the bitter performance of the Indian heroes the last night in the world cup,yet he is hearing all your woes..You can watch his fidgeting fingers scribbling endless figures in his letter pad,the furrows in the forehead deepening,the hairs in the ears pricking up and now the smile is slowly replaced by the initial movements of an yawn,instantly cut off in a moment of controlled will.The history taking is over in a jiffy.Most often he would have narrowed your disease to a system, like -cardiovascular or alimentary or a neurological etc etc,may be even targeted the organ concerned or with luck an anxiety disorder.Offcourse he would interrupt your endless tale with discrete questioning of your occupation, I mean the financial state you are in, which is an essential part of how much visits you can afford, how much investigations you can tolerate so on.
The examination,the most or least important thing depending on the doctor concerned will be the middle overs of consolidation,now that he has enough time to think about,the extravagant cover drive of tendulkar yesterday,the need to service his stalling car this morning or the new sister in the o.p .He may even laugh or go in to ectcasy while his steth is traveling all over your chest,swirling around the heart valves or the lung fields with pin point accuracy,the diagnosis hanging around, close at hand , but still evading his frontal cortex,the neurons trying to pick themselves up from the overnight 4 pegs. So he will have to have investigations to finish off.
As the nurse hands over the investigation chart, you look dumbly at his racing fingers, furiously ticking one after another until the nurse’s stiff gaze puts the breaks on and the smile is back,the furrows have flattened and the facial contour shifts to that off a sage or counselor as he shifts back comfortably, easing his strained back and the con man takes over to complete the last ten overs.
The stench of coolness emitting from his body has already started it’s healing powers on you.
Don’t worry my dear.you don’t have much off a problem.You have been overworking these days,no?Don’t stress your heart too much ,I say.Everything is going to be o.k. with a capital K . Now do all these tests and let me analyse.no? I am not going to prescribe too much drugs,you see.Infact I detest over prescribing,which is common these days, just1 antibiotic and 1 anti inflammatory.1 antihistaminic and 1 antacid and a neurovitamin for starters.Once the results of investigations come ,say in 3 or 4 days,you can come back and the main menu will be served. So don’t worry,have a light diet and go to sleep early,don’t forget about the exercises. Sister !next patient,please.

KILLING TIME

KILLING TIME

The pundits proclaim ‘time is gold ,.time lost,is forever,.squeeze atleast 2 seconds off every second,so goes the saying.Absolutely correct to the last second, I say. But to people like me or other retired animals who have to spend 24*60*60 seconds and every second lasting 2 minutes,this doesn’t hold good .The problem is that we can’t lend time at bank rate or atleast put in a savings account for future use. So we are forced to spend it second by second and we cannot just wish it away.so much so, the time management/mismanagement has to be planned meticulously to a dot. I have done a lot of work over this problem and also observed brilliant minds wasting lot of precious hours to solve this.Take for eg. Sreevalsan’s cute dog watching a small insect or is it imaginary.for 30 minutes or listening acutely to a sound non existing to me. If nothing happens ,it just stretches its forefeet. shrugs,then yawns deeply as if to swallow time itself,.then starts scratching incessantly,peeking at the passers by like the security staff.Its very entertaining for me and my kwality time is well spend,so is the dog’s.we have to learn so much from these animals,the male lion lying so majestically lazy and dozing in the shades for hours waiting for its mate to return from hunting, or the chubby cow sitting so serenly chewing the cud in a meditative trance,so to say.I too have mastered many tricks to handle time quite handily and shall pass on a few tips to my fellow beings so that they need not waste valuable time.
1. Don’t wake up too early,you can save that much time at hand. If sun is causing photo phobia you can very well shift,twist,roll or go under cover or daydream for another 30 minutes or plan what you are not going to do that day hour wise or simply what all things to postpone for the next day or year as it suits you.
2. .Since my guru ravi sankerjee has advised all of us to give a lot of time to eat and drink,enjoying the taste of each grain while eating,I take a hell of a long time drinking my cup of coffee enjoying each sip.
3. If you have constipation it’s an added benefit.
4. Reading newspaper is an art in itself,its enough to sink in nother hour,but remember not to miss the anniversaries,obituiaries and the advertisements.
5. Take an oil bath preferably,you know how to brush your teeth or the dentures,which are more handy,no sideways motion,up and down carefully.There are different ways of gargling making peculiar animalistic sounds,it’s an art in itself.
6. You can do a sandhya vandana 108 gayathries to prolong your life and day too.
7. Walking is not meant for somebody active like me.but I don’t discourage others,rather will recommend a dog too,so that you can make him piss in every lamp post and ablusions outside.please keep talking to him or pour out your worries,even your wife will not listen with that amazing patience of your pet.
8. You can try out various other side trcks like nose picking.tooth picking.or ear pickins with a single finger and shake your head violently,so pleasurable.,no ?
9. After breakfast or brunch the latter will be the time if you are meticulous with the previous steps
10. The next one is the most crucial step,watching t.v .This requires some training.before getting to stuck yourself with one channel,the best one will be to scan the programmes from channel 1 to 100 or above depending on the cable .Scan carefully not more than 3 minutes in one channel or you won’t get enough time.Once you finish you will get an idea and by the time you come to the last one,the programme in 1’st channel will have changed,like that you can continue.no chance of boredom.Don’t try to doze in between,that’s the most common mistake we make,time is precious you know and also remember.you have a long night to tide over.
11. I forgot about the 20 tablets you have to take.Put the prescription in front of you.make sure the expiry date is o,k,then take it one by one,with sips of water in between,I have seen a couple of my friends gag after throwing a handful of tablets in their gaping mouth in a hurry,as if they have a bus to catch.
12. I think it is time for lunch if you hurry.all your life you have made your savings no?,Take your own time to eat,since it is time for a siesta after all this tireless work.
13. Don’t sleep during siesta,golden rule.Just keep a magazine, a spiritual one if you are so inclined.don’t concentrate,relax --- relax ..and try to make eye contact with the page even if you are holding the magazine upside down,nothing more,nothing less.Don’t try to panick if the magazine slides out,don’t try to shut out the dozing off.After some time the book will cease its function and you can carry on.Avoid snoring.
14. Now you are fresh and can afford a tea.Now is the time to talk to your mate.You can talk endlessly about your past glory in office and crib about why your sons are not phoning you
15. If you have time at hand you can calculate the interests your deposits earn,entry in passbooks,I mean the serious stuff.
16. Why don’t you take a short walk outside far from the bored gaze of your wife and meet your pensionary friends and talk about the climate,souring inflation,your doctors visits,your ailments or the neglect of your son in u.s and what not.
17. Its almost dark and the beginning of the end of nother glorious day.You can watch your favourite megaserials in between advertisements and not but the least, the gory news.
18. Have a slight supper.Don’t forget to take your tablets and jump to your bed. I don’t think you have wasted any of your time till now.You are fit for sleep,and a long day awaits you tomorrow.
19. For some of my other friends who cannot follow such a tight regulated schedule,they can very well latch on to their computers and see the young make merry.
20. For eccentrics I can advise,star gazing,bird watching or blogging.
21.
22. If still have time to torment,you can collect milk from the booth,or stand in the first queue you see before maveli stores or beverages corporation.or temple shopping.