THE SELFISH AND THE DAMNED

During an in- house training session as part of a game each participant had to pass a comment on the one sitting next to him and when Dr.Ramdas’s turn came he passed a comment on me ‘ the most selfish man that I ever knew’ and I couldn’t but retort ‘and I am proud of it .thank you’. In fact I am used to that tag ever since time immemorial,from my friends,relatives,neighbours,and I don’t get hurt that easily too.But when my wife accused me with that epithet I lost all my control and became silent at once , the ultimate surrender .[Ponni has this dirty habit of revealing myself to me in her outbursts,though short lived,but to telling effect and under these demanding conditions I usually back out in defensive mode unless she come out with more revelations about yours truely,a sort of undressing that I hate,since most of the time she is so precise and accurate in her appraisal.In general I know of myself only through her and what ever I have concluded about myself had the effect of de-balooning my ego and so I don’t need to meditate to know the Self].
This word ‘selfishness’ is irritating me as well us baffling me at the same time.what do they mean by it? That I don’t help others? that I don’t involve in some body else’s head ache and create more problems for them,or is that I am deaf to their damn fears,anxieties and what not. Or is that they are jealous of my too much involvement with my immediate family and trying to make them happy is itching them? Is it criminal when I feel that I have to satisfy my needs first before venturing outwards?

The more I contemplate more am I convinced that I am more selfish than most others.Yes I am more bothered about myself ..I have no doubt that this will be the only LIFE that I am guaranteed [I am not going in to the topic of rebirth or the lost heavens or hell. I believe in the proverb ‘, one bird in hand is worth two in the bush’] Hence I am duly entitled to live the way I want . And not by any other yard stick..I cannot allow you to dictate how I should live nor will I poke my nose in to yours as well.. Off course I have a duty to look after those who are dependent on me and indeed it is a pleasure to raise a family and look after their needs and share their happiness and sorrows,but there is a limit . .I cannot sacrifice my life for the family, no it is not logical as for as I am concerned. ;there should be a stop loss at any step.When the society itself is selfish I am also entitled to my share. Solving somebody’s problem is not my headache unless I feel I am happy to do so; it’s not their birth right. The same logic holds good in case of charity too.

This is bloody hell turning to be a big bore. I am only too glad to accept the tag of selfishness and live my life my way rather than be appreciated by you all as a great selfless man after sacrificing my life. A TRUE SPECIMEN IN DEED .