whom am i

WHO AM I



Yes this is the million dollar ? I am asking myself for the n’th time.few clues?am I the darling new born who fell from the stars to the delight of my near and dear one august night, one day elder to the great messiah the great omnipotent Krishna, to uplift the family name.am I the innocent toddler who is always smiling, not much mischievous, who is the uncrowned prince to a large score of dotting relatives.later the most obedient,so called brilliant,studious student, a teachers delight, who climbed on to reach dizzy heights to get a merit seat in medical studies, the low middle class parents could not dream of in the sixties.then the gods decided it is the time for change.the change came like a tsunami and turned the world upside down for an innocent god fearing teenager thrown to the wolves of the world,the peergroup,was it the strict discipline of the parents or was it the unawareness of what real pleasures to be enjoyed or abstained as scriptures say,which changed the I in me?the beast in me finally woke up and I became I.they thought a girl will change the I in me.but no way,I became all the more stronger and the innocent girl became my first scapegoat later the i became more cunning and devious and next victim was the whole family. the I in me boastedof enjoying every pleasures the world could offer and when the pleasures began to get saturated it threw the I into ravines ofdeep humiliations from which there was no come back.the I in me revolted again out of sheer survival instinct and the fight back began .by this time two little I came to my life born out of wedlock who made me a phoenix and the real I was born again and threw me back to my career and thus become the so called man.so here I stand a respected doctor,a career oriented, money crazy,male chauvinist of the first order.fiercely possessive husband,and fondly called by my wife as stone hearted.my parents dismiss me as that uncaring non involving son better left alone.my employees see the I in me as strict discipinarian,highly critical,but gets things done in an effective way. My superiors are ssorry for my being too submissive .my offsprings regard as one with whom they can fool around me and get what they want.offcourse my god sees a hippocrite in me but yet bestows what ever I wish.the patients who are few and scanty feel iam sincere,frank,irritableand clever enough to drain their pockets.so that is me according to their views.am I the ultimate role player?.have I lost the I in me playing all these roles.yes probably that is the answer to my original?so I have to go a long way to rediscover myself.i have to patiently dissect out each layer of role garb surrounding me and ultimately reach the naked core of my being.will I have the courage to undress myself to that level and later find myself to be totally EMPTY.the thought itself gives me the shivers.ONLY TIME CAN ANSWER.